I can’t help but wonder: in a world where our phones do almost everything, have we forgotten what it means to be truly connected? And I also wonder, have we become Gaston, as in the Nino Ferrer song: “Gaston, y’a l’téléfon qui son, et y a jamais personne qui y répond”?

These ubiquitous little gadgets have become much more than devices for saying “Hello”. They’re our guides, our personal assistants, our photo albums and even our boredom-killers. But paradoxically, by doing so much, we use them less and less for what they were invented for: making phone calls.

Through my decades of observation of human behavior, I’ve seen the importance of adapting to technological transformations while preserving respect and good manners. Thus was born this text of the Ten Commandments of the Smartphone, an essential reminder that, yes, we can be connected without losing our humanity.

1. THOU SHALT TEXT BEFORE CALLING

The days of surprise calls are over. A quick message to check the other person’s availability shows respect and ensures you have their full attention once you’re on the phone. Why not take advantage of the benefits of technology to improve our exchanges? This commandment also applies to impromptu videoconferences.

2. THOU SHALT USE HANDS-FREE MODE WITH JUDGMENT

Observe your surroundings before activating your phone’s speakerphone. Who might you be disturbing? Who could overhear confidential information? Are your hands busy and do you need to use hands-free mode to communicate? Maintain a distance of at least two meters. This safe distance, born within the pandemic, will help you avoid entering other people’s bubbles uninvited. It goes without saying that no one on public transport wants to hear your private or professional conversations, so refrain from doing so if they are not urgent.

3. THOU SHALT USE VIDEOCONFERENCING RESPECTFULLY

As with hands-free mode, you need to observe your surroundings and distance yourself so as not to disturb others, who do not wish to be seen or heard by your phone and your interlocutors. Here again, the familiar pandemic rule of two meters all around, or 180 degrees, applies.

4. VALIDATE BEFORE IMMORTALIZING

Just because you have a camera in your hand doesn’t mean you can capture images or record video of anyone without permission. Always ask permission, explain why you want to take the photo or video, and specify where and how it will be used. Obtaining consent is not only a matter of respect, but also of common courtesy. Not convinced? Would you like to find yourself on a stranger’s Insta without your knowledge?…

5. THOU SHALT RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO CALL AGAIN AND AGAIN

This commandment implies trusting the call log and the other person to return the call. Calling several times irritates many and could create panic. If you have an urgent message, go back to the first commandment and add the word urgent. If it’s important information, again the first commandment applies or leave a voice message.

6. THOU SHALT LIMIT VOICEMAIL MESSAGES

Voicemail messages, once essential, are now often neglected, and many people no longer listen to them at all. In a world where speed is of the essence, text messages and other instant messages have become the preferred means of communication. If you absolutely must leave a voice message, make it concise and clear. In most cases, a short text message is more effective and more likely to get a quick response. Adapt your mode of communication to that of your interlocutors.

7. YOU’LL RECOGNIZE THAT THE PHONE STILL HAS ITS PLACE

When you have a delicate message to get across, the telephone is still a powerful tool. Your voice, with its tone, volume, pauses and silences, can convey emotion better than written words ever could. Sometimes talking on the phone is even preferable to a face-to-face conversation, as your facial expressions, gestures or tics could betray your true feelings or cloud your intention. The telephone thus offers a certain emotional distance that allows you to choose your words better and avoid misunderstandings, while retaining the warmth of a human conversation.

8. YOU’LL BE TOLERANT WITH THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW THESE NEW RULES

Bear in mind that for some people, especially older generations, technology is evolving faster than they’ve had time to tame it. Be patient and understanding towards those who haven’t mastered these new rules. For the elderly, for example, reduced vision or less agile dexterity make sending text messages impractical or even discouraging. Respect and tolerance for different rates of adaptation are essential to maintaining harmonious relationships and avoiding unnecessary frustration.

9. THOU SHALT NOT INVITE YOUR PHONE IN WITHOUT CONSENT

Whether you’re having a tête-à-tête, in a meeting or at a show, using or looking at your phone is tantamount to introducing an intruder into the exchange, as if you were inviting a third party to a “ménage à trois” without the consent of the others. The image is strong, but it illustrates the impact of an “uninvited” device on your interactions. Its notifications and vibrations draw all your attention, leaving the other person feeling devalued or ignored. In meetings, you risk appearing less focused, perceived as distracted. And this lack of visual connection – the eye-to-eye contact essential to communication – could be interpreted as indifference, even by your own children.

10. THOU SHALT LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT WITHOUT BEING SCATTERED

Learn to immerse yourself fully in the moment, whether it’s a call, a meeting or an appointment, without getting distracted by other applications, your computer or even household chores. Multitasking may seem productive, but it often compromises the quality of meaningful exchanges, especially during telephone conversations. By making a commitment to be fully present, you show your callers that they really do matter to you.

These ten commandments are not rigid rules, but guidelines, because like all rules of etiquette, they adapt to the context and nature of your relationships. They vary according to situation and generation, reflecting different expectations. Whether you’re with family, friends or at work, remember that true connection doesn’t depend on your phone’s signal, but on the quality of the interactions you choose to cultivate. Because after all, whether you grew up with a landline phone for the whole family or you’re a texting enthusiast, there’s one thing we all share: the desire to be heard and understood. So, if you call me, unlike Gaston, I answer. That’s my generation. And if I don’t answer, I’m busy. Leave me a message or text me. I look forward to hearing from you. Hope to hear from you soon!

Are you facing a sticky situation? Need an engaging training activity? Contact Julie at julie@etiquettejulie.com. Anonymously, she offers her expertise to help you and mitsoumagazine.com readers shine at work and in the community.

Julie Blais Comeau is a true reference in etiquette in Quebec and Canada, recognized and appreciated by all. An in-demand media contributor, energizing speaker and inspiring author, Julie heads etiquettejulie.com, a company dedicated to the art of interpersonal relationships. Call on her services and discover how she can help you shine in every aspect of your life. With Julie as your guide, you’ll learn how to navigate any situation with confidence and elegance, while staying true to yourself.

Translate from published article in mitsoumagazine January 7, 2025 (c) Julie Blais Comeau