My wedding question is a tough one. I’ve asked it to a few friends and I’m getting different answers back.

I’m going to a very good friend’s nuptial this upcoming Saturday in Varadero, Cuba. It is at an all-inclusive resort, which will give us much-needed sunshine, but it is at a very expensive five-star resort. I’m in the wedding party.

There was no gift information on the invitation, but the wedding shower invitation stated, “Gift cards from their favourite store would be appreciated.”

What should I do: offer a gift card, offer nothing at all, or give a small token gift to the bride, my friend?

Thanks for answering me quickly!

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First of all, I am happy to read that the soon-to-be-married couple observed an often-neglected wedding gift etiquette guideline: “no gift requests should be made on the wedding invitation.” The shower invitation is the right place to mention gifts. Kudos to them!

Also, for the sake of our readers, according to traditional etiquette it is the responsibility of the wedding party and all guests to pay for their travel, accommodation and attire, even if very expensive.

In the event that one cannot afford to participate, although very difficult, the proper thing to do is to decline the invitation and being in the party, if requested to do so. At that time, the couple can then decide to help or pay for all of the attendant’s fees.

The unspoken tradition of a wedding invitation contains a gift-giving obligation. Every wedding invitation requires a gift. Even if you choose not to attend the ceremony or reception, traditional etiquette dictates that you still have to offer a gift.

In the case of destination weddings, the bride and groom may spread the word that no gift is required.

Since you are in the party, a few days away from the nuptials and you have not heard: “Your presence is present enough” from your friend, that is certainly not your case. Hence, my recommendation is for you to offer a gift card to the couple.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no set rule or magical formula for the appropriate gift amount. As with all gifts, consider your relationship to the couple, your feelings for them and foremost your budget.

In the case of a destination wedding, it is perfectly acceptable to factor in your total expenses to decide on the amount that you will spend on the couple’s wedding gift.

Note that the one-year allowance for a gift to the couple is a myth, but it is never too late to send a gift. My recommendation is to offer it as soon as possible.

It is always best to send or hand deliver a gift before the big day. Avoid bringing gifts abroad, even gift cards, as they could be cumbersome or get lost.

In the end, a wedding gift is about love and support. Give with your heart and respect your budget.

Published February 26th, 2014 Huffington Post (c) Julie Blais Comeau