In the past, marriage followed well-established rules. Today, between revisited heritage and new expectations, the codes are being redrawn, sometimes causing uncertainty. So, what has changed and what remains? Let’s take stock.

What Has Changed

The Proposal
Where once it was expected that the man ask the woman to marry him, today women also take the initiative. Why wait when you already know it’s the right person? What matters is that the proposal reflects the personality of the couple.

The Vision
The wedding of Meghan and Harry was a landmark event, skillfully blending royal protocol with modern touches. Meghan Markle asserted her independence by walking down the aisle alone, a strong symbolic gesture, while the powerful performance of Stand by Me by a gospel choir added an emotional and contemporary dimension to the ceremony. In 2025, inspiration comes as much from social media as from fairy tales.

Between eco-friendly weddings, symbolic (non-legal) unions, and intimate celebrations, couples choose what resembles them. An outdoor wedding with a food truck instead of a traditional banquet? Why not! What’s important is that every detail has meaning for the marrying couple—and, especially, that guests are well informed so they feel comfortable celebrating with them.

Payment
In the past, the bride’s family often covered the wedding costs. Today, couples finance their big day themselves or share expenses between the families. Some even opt for participatory contributions. The essential thing is to communicate clearly and as early as possible, to avoid financial awkwardness and strained relationships.

The Guest List
The ideal is to include all members of a given category—such as cousins or coworkers—applying a uniform rule. Also, spouses, fiancés, and partners of each invited guest should be included, as well as the parents of children who are part of the wedding party. The presence of children is at the discretion of the couple. If a name is not on the invitation, that person is not invited.

Gifts

For the engaged couple:

• Never mention gifts on the wedding invitation. The bridal shower invitation is the appropriate place for that. Even a phrase like “Your presence is the only gift we desire” remains somewhat inelegant.
• Friends or a wedding website can inform guests of your preferences. If someone asks directly, answer tactfully: “We’re saving for a cruise; any contribution would be appreciated, but your presence matters most.”
• Never ask guests to pay. If your budget is limited, adapt your reception. If you can’t book the Ritz, serve simple fare instead!

For guests:

• Tradition holds that any invitation to a wedding carries an obligation to give a gift. If you’re invited, you are expected to offer a gift.
• Contrary to popular belief, there is no universal rule or magic formula for what amount is appropriate. The budget depends first and foremost on your relationship to the couple, how you feel about them, and your financial means. Imagine a brother and sister marrying in the same year: one in a fancy hotel with a five-star dinner, the other in a sugar shack with a simple buffet of “no crust sandwiches.” You are invited to both weddings. Would you feel comfortable giving a more expensive gift to her than to him, without risking hurting his feelings?
• Give your gift as early as possible. It’s always better to send it or deliver it in person before the wedding.

Dress Codes
For the bride, pure white is still prevalent, and it shares the spotlight with shades like blush pink, champagne, even colorful suits. As for the guests? White is still a no-go, unless you’re explicitly asked to wear it. There’s more flexibility these days, as long as you respect the dress code indicated on the invitation and adjust to the venue and time of day.

Wedding Abroad Invitations
Getting married on a Caribbean beach is magical—but what about the guests? Must they give a gift if they’re already paying for flights and lodging? Generally, their presence is the most beautiful gift. But if heart (and wallet) allows, a small symbolic token is always appreciated.

What Remains

• A wedding is a celebration of love and commitment, regardless of budget, place, or number of Instagram followers.
• Saying “thank you” never goes out of style. Whether via a handwritten note or a personalized message, gratitude remains a sure value. For the couple, it’s best to write thank-you notes as the gifts arrive to avoid being overwhelmed after the wedding.
• Respect for punctuality is still in fashion. Being late to your own wedding is somewhat tolerated (just barely!), but for guests, better to avoid making an entrance worthy of a dramatic soap-opera episode.
• Enjoyment without forgetting respect. Whether you dance until dawn or sip elegant cocktails, elegance never goes out of style.
• An invitation to a wedding always implies that a gift (or token) will be given, even if one will not attend the event.

So, should one still follow the rules of the traditional wedding or reimagine them? Deep down, aren’t love and etiquette like a perfect pair of high heels? Essential, but always better when they match one’s own style?

In conclusion, remember that etiquette doesn’t mean sticking your nose or your little finger in the air, but being aware of people, of circumstances and showing respect so that the couple, their families, and their whole community have a wonderful big day. As my maternal grandmother used to say: “When in doubt, find out.

Are you facing a delicate situation? Contact Julie at julie@etiquettejulie.com. With full respect for confidentiality, she offers her expertise to help you shine at work and in your community.

Julie Blais Comeau is a true authority on etiquette in Quebec and across Canada, recognized and appreciated by all. A sought-after media contributor, dynamic speaker, and inspiring author, Julie leads etiquettejulie.com, a company dedicated to the art of interpersonal relations. Take advantage of her services and discover how she can help you shine in every aspect of your life. With Julie as your guide, you’ll learn to navigate every situation with confidence and elegance, while staying true to yourself.

Translated from published article in mitsoumagazine.com September 3, 2025 (c) Julie Blais Comeau