Do you sometimes feel as if you’re speaking a foreign language with your colleagues and even your loved ones? Are you surprised by the results of your directives? Do you feel misunderstood again and again?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, take a moment to do these two exercises and discover your communication style.

ARE YOU AN EMPATHETIC COMMUNICATOR?

Imagine a capital E on your forehead. Go, quickly, quickly! Don’t think. Use your finger as a marker and draw it.

Now imagine yourself talking to a colleague, a subordinate or even your boss. Can the E be read right side up by the person in front of you? Or have you drawn it in such a way that only you can recognize it?

According to Adam Galinsky and his team of researchers at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, if you’ve drawn it for the other person, you have an “E ”mpathetic perspective. If you’ve drawn it for yourself, you’re more “E ”gocentric.

Two interesting facts emerge from this research. Firstly, the majority of decision-makers and influencers draw the E for themselves. And secondly, most women draw it for those in front of them.

By adopting the perspective of others, women demonstrate flexibility. This ability to adapt is crucial in communication.

WHAT KIND OF COMMUNICATOR ARE YOU

Even if you don’t realize it, you have a communication style.

As with all psychometric tests, there is no ideal profile. Depending on the situation and the people you’re interacting with, you’ll be a bit of each of the styles, colors or letters suggested by these different tests.

Whatever questionnaire you use, revealing your profile will enable you to discover your strengths, as well as the improvements you’d like to make to better interact with others.

The one I propose is inspired by the research of American author Larry Wilson. In my version, four questions place you in one of four squares.

Start by drawing a table with four squares, i.e. two columns and two rows.

Add the numbers 1 to 5 on the vertical axis, starting at the bottom. Do the same on the horizontal axis, starting from the left. The 3 should be in the center of both rows.

Then answer the two questions below. Circle a single number, from 1 to 5, for each pair of questions, using the following scale: 1 = It’s really not like me and 5 = I recognize myself completely. To avoid ending up in the middle, like the chameleon of communication, push your thinking further and refrain from assigning a 3

On the vertical axis: do you easily show your emotions, and do those close to you or your colleagues usually know your opinion on a given subject?
On the horizontal axis: do you feel comfortable leading (a team, staff) and do you enjoy managing projects?
On your chart, draw an X in the box where your two numbers cross.

Write the four communicator styles in their respective boxes:

• Top left: friendly
• Top right: expressive
• Bottom left: analytical
• Lower right: directive

Just like the predictions of your astrological sign, here’s a description of your profile, including its motto, observable qualities, possible perceptions and, last but not least, its motivation.

AMIABLE: LET’S WORK TOGETHER

• Show their opinions
• Prefer to ask questions rather than give orders
• Listen well
• Personal relationships, feelings and security are important
• Others perceive them as kind and welcoming, but not very focused
• Approval

ANALYTICAL: LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP

• Control their emotions
• Ask questions instead of giving orders
• Are methodical and appreciate structure
• Are focused on results and act accordingly to achieve them
• Others may perceive them as slow, overly attentive to detail and anti-social
• Respectful

EXPRESSIVE: TRUST ME

• Show emotions and speak assertively
• Like to share their ideas and diverse perspectives with others
• Love to motivate, inspire and persuade
• Are visionaries
• Others see them as creative, but not focused and impulsive
• Recognition

DIRECTIVE: JUST DO IT

• Control their emotions
• Speak assertively and clearly
• Take initiative and complete tasks
• Prefer to control a situation and are focused on the big picture
• Others may perceive them as highly effective, but also arrogant, not overly interested in emotions or ready to build relationships
• The results

Tadaaaaa! Do you recognize yourself, your loved ones and your team members? I hope this test will help you better understand those with whom communication is less fluid, so that you can adapt your interactions.

Are you facing a tricky situation? Do you need advice on how to find the right words and gestures? Contact Julie at julie@etiquettejulie.com. Anonymously, she offers her expertise to help you and mitsoumagazine.com readers shine at work and in the community.

Julie Blais Comeau is a true reference in etiquette in Quebec and Canada, recognized and appreciated by all. An in-demand media contributor, energizing speaker and inspiring author, Julie heads etiquettejulie.com, a company dedicated to the art of interpersonal relationships. Call on her services and discover how she can help you shine in every aspect of your life. With Julie as your guide, you’ll learn how to navigate any situation with confidence and elegance, while staying true to yourself.

Translated from published September 2024 Mitsou Magazine (c) Julie Blais Comeau